DUDE,
you know what one of the most powerful things in the world is? It's to stand less than 2 feet away from your favorite band of all time, with sweat dripping down from your body and people shoving into you, and to be singing along with them at the top of your lungs. In many ways, you feel like you aren't complete strangers anymore, like I'm no longer just another person at the record store picking up just another of their albums. Instead its evolved to where you become apart of the music, and the energy. And this realization rushes down on you as you sing you heart, and soul, and lung, and minds out along with them. Moving them, just as they moved you to begin with.
Its at this point when your ears ring and all you know is pure music and lyrics, that you know those songs meant everything that they thought you did. Cause now its just not your interpretation, its 2500 people and the band saying the same thing.
We are meant to live for so much more, but we lost ourselves. Cause I feel like I was born for devastation and reform. And yes man-made never made our dreams collide. but here we are now with the falling sky and the rain and We're awaking
Thank you to the wonderful people that put up with standing in line with me for two hours, to see a band that I was stooked about. I love you guys soo much :)
Thank you to SWITCHFOOT, RELIENT K, and RUTH. YOU GUYS ROCK!!! Hope to see you guys in tours again soon!!
AND FOR THOSE THAT HAVEN'T CHECKED OUT THESE THREE AMAZING BANDS, GET OFF THE COUCH AND DO SO!!!!
CAUSE IF YOU DON'T I'LL HAVE TO FAKE MY OWN SUICIDE :)
pS. Keep an eye on Jon Foreman, the lead singer of Switchfoot. He is releasing four Ep over the next year titled Fall, Winter, Spring and Summer. You can get Fall on Amazon as of the 20 of November 2007. The following is a LINK to get to him to tour in your hometown. Please vote for New PALTZ NY area code 12561...it would be great to have him
http://eventful.com/performers/P0-001-000058445-9/demand?from_sticker=300x325_transparent
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
The Roof, The Roof is on Fire
The sucky part about this, is its literal meaning. In the morning hours of Halloween Dubois hall's roof was a light, and it wasn't even funny. For many of those with ten o'clock classes the fire alarms and chief of the Fire Department was a new an improved alarm clock. From there it was a rush to grab keys and coats, still hoping that this was just a drill. The residents of Dubois would later learn later, first with reports from the RA staff, and then from looking to the sky.
From ground view it appeared that the current project of repairing the roof for the upcoming winter had partially gone up in flames. As the smoke rose, many questioned whether it would be allowed to return at some point to retrieve personal items. For those on the third floor, directly above the blaze, watched hoping the ceiling wouldn't cave into their rooms below.
After about 45 minutes, the building was stabilized, and were allowed to return to the hall temporally to grab books and clothes for the day. Residents that planned had to dress up for the magical holiday, we let down as they threw on jeans in an attempt not to look like bead heads.
Normalcy would start as people headed out for breakfast and class. Around 1030 am residences and staff were able to return to their rooms. The wake up fire on the roof, though, will defiantly be remembered as an eventful Halloween.
From ground view it appeared that the current project of repairing the roof for the upcoming winter had partially gone up in flames. As the smoke rose, many questioned whether it would be allowed to return at some point to retrieve personal items. For those on the third floor, directly above the blaze, watched hoping the ceiling wouldn't cave into their rooms below.
After about 45 minutes, the building was stabilized, and were allowed to return to the hall temporally to grab books and clothes for the day. Residents that planned had to dress up for the magical holiday, we let down as they threw on jeans in an attempt not to look like bead heads.
Normalcy would start as people headed out for breakfast and class. Around 1030 am residences and staff were able to return to their rooms. The wake up fire on the roof, though, will defiantly be remembered as an eventful Halloween.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Learning
The lines between the colors fade and I'm spacing. Sitting here everyday and just wondering, "Can I make it through, make up my mind, and decide what I really want." In all honesty, though, life is so confusing, even before we are lost and misunderstood, cause the world is a weird place as is.
Its amazing at all that one can figure out where to put their two feet as they trudge through this life, let alone anything else. At the day its always a feeling a relief that you survived, even if it isn't a typical battle out there, its still one of sorts.
And quite honestly, some things are just harder for some people than others. And while it may easy for some people to discover what they like, for others its more along the lines of just waiting to see what the tide brings in. And its not about being picking, its just about being so generally confused that you don't know the answer to the simplest question of "what makes me happy?"
In this complicated over mediated world however, even the simplest of makes you scratch your head. And I can personally say that sometimes i don't know what I want. That outside the general idea of creating through writing, I really don't know what makes me happen.
It may sound stupid, or immature, but all I really do is wait for the tide to see what it brings. It may be bad or good, either way I try it on and learn from it. Whether it be law or love, learning from it is a good way of going about it.
Its amazing at all that one can figure out where to put their two feet as they trudge through this life, let alone anything else. At the day its always a feeling a relief that you survived, even if it isn't a typical battle out there, its still one of sorts.
And quite honestly, some things are just harder for some people than others. And while it may easy for some people to discover what they like, for others its more along the lines of just waiting to see what the tide brings in. And its not about being picking, its just about being so generally confused that you don't know the answer to the simplest question of "what makes me happy?"
In this complicated over mediated world however, even the simplest of makes you scratch your head. And I can personally say that sometimes i don't know what I want. That outside the general idea of creating through writing, I really don't know what makes me happen.
It may sound stupid, or immature, but all I really do is wait for the tide to see what it brings. It may be bad or good, either way I try it on and learn from it. Whether it be law or love, learning from it is a good way of going about it.
Friday, September 7, 2007
The Long Stretching To Do List
In the current American culture the urge of the populace i to get a life coach, which coasts a fortune, to sit down and discuss your life. Not only what has happened so far in it, but also that never reaching horizon. The benefit of paying this life coach tons of your hard earned money is that they're job is to bring that infinite unreachable horizon a little closer just within an easily stretched grasp. In oder to make the distance even shorter is, according to popular trend, by making a life list. Supposively through making a life list one can realize what they truly want in life, and work to achieve everything on it.
This is very convenient. So while you are attempting a weird organized version of self actualization the life coach takes directly from your pocket. Bravo to whom ever came up with clever little idea. The mind is a wonderful thing.
What is funny though is I have been writing this lists since freshman year in High school. Even though all they were about was homework and chores, you would have figured I would have self actualized by now. Well, I guess not.
So in true form of boredom, and actual wonderment I'm going to cut out the life coach, but still write a list. Just to see where it takes me. Life is to short, might as well get organized right.
In no particular order
1) Have a published novel.
2) Travel to Europe
3) Live in Moscow...in the spring lolol
4) Live in Ireland...it doesn't really matter where.
5) Open a Coffee/ book store
6) Settle down in a brownstone in Boston with flower boxes outside my window, a deck in the back, and at least one bay window.
7) Marry someone that completes me.
8) Have a lot of kids, even if that means adopting. Just in cause 7 doesn't happen.
9) Put one foot in every large body in the world (ie Pacific ocean. Indian ocean)
10) See the temples of Egypt.
11) Get a tattoo (even if i'm chicken shit)
12) Meet J,K. Rowling
13) Visit the graves of JRR Tolkien and Jane Austen
14) ..actually was too cliche so i deleted it
15) See Swtichfoot in Concert WISH GRANTED
16) Kiss the Blarney Stone.
17) Work for the NY Times, Washington Post, The New Yorker, or the Boston Herald. Maybeall of them at one point and time.
18) See my brother will all his dreams come true; this one is kinda out of my hands, but i don't doubt that it won't happen.
19) Learn Sign Language
20) Write a Film Script and have it become a movie; doesn't matter if its a hit or not, i just want to attempt something different.
21) Kill The ORACLE ...UGGG
22)Work for Al Gore, with Jane Goodall institute, or Greenpeace. I want contribute to the world and help the world environmentally.
23) Get blue highlights.
24)Graduate from college with a BA in journalism.
24)Meet David Remnick, get his autograph.
25) Meet Howard Good, get his autograph.
This is very convenient. So while you are attempting a weird organized version of self actualization the life coach takes directly from your pocket. Bravo to whom ever came up with clever little idea. The mind is a wonderful thing.
What is funny though is I have been writing this lists since freshman year in High school. Even though all they were about was homework and chores, you would have figured I would have self actualized by now. Well, I guess not.
So in true form of boredom, and actual wonderment I'm going to cut out the life coach, but still write a list. Just to see where it takes me. Life is to short, might as well get organized right.
In no particular order
1) Have a published novel.
2) Travel to Europe
3) Live in Moscow...in the spring lolol
4) Live in Ireland...it doesn't really matter where.
5) Open a Coffee/ book store
6) Settle down in a brownstone in Boston with flower boxes outside my window, a deck in the back, and at least one bay window.
7) Marry someone that completes me.
8) Have a lot of kids, even if that means adopting. Just in cause 7 doesn't happen.
9) Put one foot in every large body in the world (ie Pacific ocean. Indian ocean)
10) See the temples of Egypt.
11) Get a tattoo (even if i'm chicken shit)
12) Meet J,K. Rowling
13) Visit the graves of JRR Tolkien and Jane Austen
14) ..actually was too cliche so i deleted it
15) See Swtichfoot in Concert WISH GRANTED
16) Kiss the Blarney Stone.
17) Work for the NY Times, Washington Post, The New Yorker, or the Boston Herald. Maybeall of them at one point and time.
18) See my brother will all his dreams come true; this one is kinda out of my hands, but i don't doubt that it won't happen.
19) Learn Sign Language
20) Write a Film Script and have it become a movie; doesn't matter if its a hit or not, i just want to attempt something different.
21) Kill The ORACLE ...UGGG
22)Work for Al Gore, with Jane Goodall institute, or Greenpeace. I want contribute to the world and help the world environmentally.
23) Get blue highlights.
24)Graduate from college with a BA in journalism.
24)Meet David Remnick, get his autograph.
25) Meet Howard Good, get his autograph.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
19...hmmmm
The walls around me bear, as I sit at my desk drinking my green tea. Looking over the clock I realize the time. 12:02 am; I've been nineteen for two minutes without even noticing. Following my realization my first birthday messages come through the various wires provided by technology. Which is followed by my mother bursting through my door singing Happy Birthday! Embarising me as I talk on the friend with a close friend, that just did the same seconds before.
Its like a national anthem for the starting of a new year in my life, fresh start. The soon coming school year makes it feel like that even more. Clean chance to ace the grades, and have a good year. I do hope its a good year, I say thinking to myself as my mother comes to the end of singing and presents me with the first of my gifts.
A Hogwarts hat, as well as hair clips are to follow. Labeling me a nerd, with an obsession with my curly and quiet unruly hair. Who can blame me, its a friz in this humidty. Even in the best of days it finds unusally cruel ways to persecute me.
On this my personal New Year, its no different, as i sit here typing away. Half talking to Dante, and half going through the realization of the whole birthday thing. As a whole, it never seems like such a big deal until I'm right in the middle of it.
Even as a child I remember thinking the week before, "oh whatever i don't get for my birthday I can get for Christmas. What's a compel of more months for waiting" It wouldn't be till the night before that I would get excited. Now it takes even longer for the actually birthday excitement to hit. Even now as I sit in my pajamas and Hogwarts hat its still slowly creeping on me.
19 today, and in two days time I'll be back at school living the year over again. Sad thing is with all the bare walls, right now I'm more excited about school starting. In the morning I won't feel that way, but right now its all I think as I head for the comfort of my bed taking off my hat. Hmmmm..sleep
Its like a national anthem for the starting of a new year in my life, fresh start. The soon coming school year makes it feel like that even more. Clean chance to ace the grades, and have a good year. I do hope its a good year, I say thinking to myself as my mother comes to the end of singing and presents me with the first of my gifts.
A Hogwarts hat, as well as hair clips are to follow. Labeling me a nerd, with an obsession with my curly and quiet unruly hair. Who can blame me, its a friz in this humidty. Even in the best of days it finds unusally cruel ways to persecute me.
On this my personal New Year, its no different, as i sit here typing away. Half talking to Dante, and half going through the realization of the whole birthday thing. As a whole, it never seems like such a big deal until I'm right in the middle of it.
Even as a child I remember thinking the week before, "oh whatever i don't get for my birthday I can get for Christmas. What's a compel of more months for waiting" It wouldn't be till the night before that I would get excited. Now it takes even longer for the actually birthday excitement to hit. Even now as I sit in my pajamas and Hogwarts hat its still slowly creeping on me.
19 today, and in two days time I'll be back at school living the year over again. Sad thing is with all the bare walls, right now I'm more excited about school starting. In the morning I won't feel that way, but right now its all I think as I head for the comfort of my bed taking off my hat. Hmmmm..sleep
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Soundtrack to My Life
Reflecting on life, you could look back on every moment and remember something truly defining about it. Even today these moments are engraved in us as things we carry for the rest your life, or for the next ten minutes. Either way, the case seems to be that for every \memory or moment in life, there is always a song that links it and drives it. In many ways its like a weight to a chain in the brain of your not to good memory. As it is the weight that drags the chain, just like a song playing to us, reminding us of something that once was and the human emotion that came along with it.
My memory is forever linked through music. I call it a soundtrack that defines us; the soundtrack to our life. Here is mine (in no particular order)
1) The Dance- Garth Brooks. My mom used to sing this to me as we sat in the rocking chair in the evenings. the combination of her and Garth singing, along with the gentle rock made any bad day feel better. I love this song
2) Good Riddance- Green Day It was the first song my brother learned in its entirety when he first started to play the guitar. He used to come in and make my mother and I sing to it so he got some practice at tempo.I still have the words memorized to this day.
3)) Maybe- from Annie the Musical. At the age of ten I became obsessed with Annie. I even went door to door dressed like her one Halloween. That song still sticks to me today
4) Bohemian Rhapsody- Queen. The first time cruising in my dad's newly bought classic Lancer, driving down the main drag at the Jersey Shore this song came on. We blasted it singing along and doing no justice to it, but having tons of fun.
5) Crush, I Wanna Be With You- Many Moore. I still think of my first boyfriend when I hear these songs. 90s pop hits all the same they hit a nerve and rested there.
6) The Unicorn- The Irish Rovers This song defiantly represents my Irish roots. I became obsessed with this song as a kid.
7) Sweet Caroline- Neil Diamond. I learned this song at Tara's Restaurant, as my mother sang it out to the crowds when we went for parties on friday nights. She wasn't even apart of the band, she just knew the guys really well.
8)Have a Little Faith in Me- John Hiatt. This song played on the radio after talking with a friend. I felt like I was going to cry in frustration, then this song came on and it got even worse.
9)I Will Remember You- Sarah McLachlan The graduation song that had more meaning than anyone could imagine. One Candle Lite Vigil Later.
10) Where You Lead I Will Follow- Carole King & Louise Goffin
To Every Gilmore Girl fan this song has the deepest meaning. For the musketeers its a philosophy of life.
11) White Houses- Vanessa Carlton. I love Vanessa as a pianist and a song writer. This song connects very much to where I was in my first year of college, felling tucked away in a bugaloo called new paltz
12) Samson- Regina Spektor. I just love this song!!
13) Colorblind-Counting Crows. Just an Emotional draining and fulfilling at the same time.
14) Hedwig's Theme- John Williams. This man is known for E.T., Indian Jones, and Star Wars. This main theme is my inspiration and a majestic piece. You can always catch me whistling it.
15) Breakfast at Tiffany's- Deep Blue Something. I'm a fan of Breakfast at Tiffany's and this song remind my roomate of me lol..go figure.
15) Once Upon a December- Anastasia (disney) When I was a kid, this song felt like it was written for me. Today it still strings my heart.
16) 3 Small Words- Josie and the Pussycats (soundtrack) One heck of a rocking out song for all the veracious females. Ask any girl that sings into a hair brush
17) Boston- Augustana. Pianos and rock, a perfect mix. Add in my love for Boston and you have this perfect blend that generates how I feel towards Boston. I play every time i come into the brownstone city.
18) Book of Days- Enya. An amazing Irish Singer and Composer. This song is angelic and my favorite of her many. Her voice is such a whisper, but so vivid and empowering
19) Seasons of Love- Rent. No one can deny this is a great song. Its one of those songs that will carry on for generations and years. The occapella manner in which it was done just adds to the dynamic of the song
20) Dare you To Move- Switchfoot. My favorite band ever. This song is my motivation when ever I feel like giving up. whether be my denial to Sarah Lawrence or many other bumps in the road I've had.
21) Hey Jude- The Beatles There is someone that i tend to think about when hearing this song. plus I'm obsessed with the Beatles.
My memory is forever linked through music. I call it a soundtrack that defines us; the soundtrack to our life. Here is mine (in no particular order)
1) The Dance- Garth Brooks. My mom used to sing this to me as we sat in the rocking chair in the evenings. the combination of her and Garth singing, along with the gentle rock made any bad day feel better. I love this song
2) Good Riddance- Green Day It was the first song my brother learned in its entirety when he first started to play the guitar. He used to come in and make my mother and I sing to it so he got some practice at tempo.I still have the words memorized to this day.
3)) Maybe- from Annie the Musical. At the age of ten I became obsessed with Annie. I even went door to door dressed like her one Halloween. That song still sticks to me today
4) Bohemian Rhapsody- Queen. The first time cruising in my dad's newly bought classic Lancer, driving down the main drag at the Jersey Shore this song came on. We blasted it singing along and doing no justice to it, but having tons of fun.
5) Crush, I Wanna Be With You- Many Moore. I still think of my first boyfriend when I hear these songs. 90s pop hits all the same they hit a nerve and rested there.
6) The Unicorn- The Irish Rovers This song defiantly represents my Irish roots. I became obsessed with this song as a kid.
7) Sweet Caroline- Neil Diamond. I learned this song at Tara's Restaurant, as my mother sang it out to the crowds when we went for parties on friday nights. She wasn't even apart of the band, she just knew the guys really well.
8)Have a Little Faith in Me- John Hiatt. This song played on the radio after talking with a friend. I felt like I was going to cry in frustration, then this song came on and it got even worse.
9)I Will Remember You- Sarah McLachlan The graduation song that had more meaning than anyone could imagine. One Candle Lite Vigil Later.
10) Where You Lead I Will Follow- Carole King & Louise Goffin
To Every Gilmore Girl fan this song has the deepest meaning. For the musketeers its a philosophy of life.
11) White Houses- Vanessa Carlton. I love Vanessa as a pianist and a song writer. This song connects very much to where I was in my first year of college, felling tucked away in a bugaloo called new paltz
12) Samson- Regina Spektor. I just love this song!!
13) Colorblind-Counting Crows. Just an Emotional draining and fulfilling at the same time.
14) Hedwig's Theme- John Williams. This man is known for E.T., Indian Jones, and Star Wars. This main theme is my inspiration and a majestic piece. You can always catch me whistling it.
15) Breakfast at Tiffany's- Deep Blue Something. I'm a fan of Breakfast at Tiffany's and this song remind my roomate of me lol..go figure.
15) Once Upon a December- Anastasia (disney) When I was a kid, this song felt like it was written for me. Today it still strings my heart.
16) 3 Small Words- Josie and the Pussycats (soundtrack) One heck of a rocking out song for all the veracious females. Ask any girl that sings into a hair brush
17) Boston- Augustana. Pianos and rock, a perfect mix. Add in my love for Boston and you have this perfect blend that generates how I feel towards Boston. I play every time i come into the brownstone city.
18) Book of Days- Enya. An amazing Irish Singer and Composer. This song is angelic and my favorite of her many. Her voice is such a whisper, but so vivid and empowering
19) Seasons of Love- Rent. No one can deny this is a great song. Its one of those songs that will carry on for generations and years. The occapella manner in which it was done just adds to the dynamic of the song
20) Dare you To Move- Switchfoot. My favorite band ever. This song is my motivation when ever I feel like giving up. whether be my denial to Sarah Lawrence or many other bumps in the road I've had.
21) Hey Jude- The Beatles There is someone that i tend to think about when hearing this song. plus I'm obsessed with the Beatles.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Calling This Home
It has been 18 years. 18 years in which people have called me up and sought me for advise and need in their time of aid. I have always been the good friend. I have always been the shoulder to cry on, and lean on. I have held the tissues and held back the fists. I have even cured the monthly crap and aided in the pursuit of a better education. Over all I think I have been a good friend. I give the best advise I can, and do the best I can. My friends will all tell you that I rarely miss a birthday, production, or event that involves them. In fact I'm sometimes obsess to keep on top of them so that I don't miss a thing. I like being there for them. I like knowing that I can make a difference in their lives.
Its a good feeling to know that your loved ones are safe and secure. And to me my friends are my most beloved loved ones. They are my family.
"I fall asleep with my friends around me. Only place I know, I feel safe. I'm going to call this home"
Its a good feeling to know that your loved ones are safe and secure. And to me my friends are my most beloved loved ones. They are my family.
"I fall asleep with my friends around me. Only place I know, I feel safe. I'm going to call this home"
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Traveling Blame
Everyday was such a fight
Every hour such a bitter argument
That letting go made harder
By every silence
Making a bigger distance to cross
By the gap
And you swung out, swung out
Aiming for me in your pure hostility
And you missed, you missed
Hitting Mars
Throwing the planets off their course
And you have no one to blame, no one to blame
Everyday was such a torment
Every moment was such a painful dread
That I forced down without thinking
Pushing away
Liking silence more than the screaming
Tuning out everything
And I dried tears, dried tears
Making sure you never once saw
And I gave up, gave up
On you
As the world’s doubts entered my head
Blaming only you, only you
Being blind never helped, never helped
As we stood pointing fingers
And we both missed, both missed
The point
Throwing the universe off its axis
Now it’s too late, too late
To close the distance
And we have no one to blame, no one to blame
But ourselves
Dark Blue
Out the window
To a worldly mirage
Where lies and truth
Are crosshatched
Eyes are crossed to the 3rd degree
Lost within the smog clouding the glass
Lost in a crowded room
And I’m here with you
Even when wanting to see is just too hard
And you stare out
Above the mess
Into the night’s perfect shade of
Dark Blue, dark blue
And you stare out over all the confusion
Simply you find
Dark blue, dark blue
The sky was light
Deeply light with dark blue
Staring into this inner room
Shells of bodies
Standing as an obstacle
Locking the oxygen
Depriving a path for freedom
Lost within the smog clouding the glass
Lost in a crowded room
And I’m here with you
Even when dwelling here is just too hard
And you stare out
Above the mess
Into the night’s perfect shade of
Dark Blue, dark blue
And you stare out over all the confusion
To find the sky light with
Dark blue, dark blue
And you stare out
Out the window
To a worldly mirage
And looking to the sky for clearing
You find meaning in simple
Dark blue
Monday, January 1, 2007
The scheduling of life
Every wonder if 2:30 am is really good for. I mean really of all the times in the day what was 2:30 am really meant for. If you think about it at every time of the day has a purpose. Every moment in time seems to have been planned.
5- 9 am the morning cycle to get ready for the day
9-12 the be busy till lunch period
12-2 lunch the best break of the day
2-5 the busy afternoon
5-7 crunch time/dinner time
7-10 hygiene time (laundry, cleaning, etc.)
11 the news followed by sleep
and then somehow you manage to get up the next day and do it all over again. It's a repetition that allows life to fall into a lull sometimes. And even though i do like repetition sometimes these things get boring. And i don't know about you but when i get bored my fingers starting walking, like right now.
and its then that i start to wonder. in our daily routine sometimes things go amiss. something happens to change the pattern and suddenly you are awake at 230 am. what do you do then? what time is this designated? is it the late night owl period, or the insomniac time period? or do we simple schedule this aside as free time.
time for oursleves to do whatever we want for as long as we want, as long as we are ready to own up to the responsibilties for our late night actaions the next day.
right now i'm think i'm ready. as long as the coffee pot is ready to catch me in the morning. so i will title my 230 am as crazy ambitious writer time
5- 9 am the morning cycle to get ready for the day
9-12 the be busy till lunch period
12-2 lunch the best break of the day
2-5 the busy afternoon
5-7 crunch time/dinner time
7-10 hygiene time (laundry, cleaning, etc.)
11 the news followed by sleep
and then somehow you manage to get up the next day and do it all over again. It's a repetition that allows life to fall into a lull sometimes. And even though i do like repetition sometimes these things get boring. And i don't know about you but when i get bored my fingers starting walking, like right now.
and its then that i start to wonder. in our daily routine sometimes things go amiss. something happens to change the pattern and suddenly you are awake at 230 am. what do you do then? what time is this designated? is it the late night owl period, or the insomniac time period? or do we simple schedule this aside as free time.
time for oursleves to do whatever we want for as long as we want, as long as we are ready to own up to the responsibilties for our late night actaions the next day.
right now i'm think i'm ready. as long as the coffee pot is ready to catch me in the morning. so i will title my 230 am as crazy ambitious writer time
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